The Whorer Awards (2013)

A reprieve! The best of what wasn’t horror this year.

Harmony Korine’s Spring Breakers
This film is the only film I saw in 2013 that blew my mind (and yes, I do watch other genres in addition to my usual horror, sci-fi, and fantasy). I loved it instantly and exactly like I loved Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist and Pier Paolo Pasolini’s Salo, no afterthought required. I was kind of disturbed by the theater-goers that brought their kids ranging in age from 4-12 years, but then again that’s partly why I loved it. If you watch this movie and think it’s vapid teenage porn glorification you obviously haven’t done much research on Harmony Korine. I mean, do you really think his use of Skrillex is unconscious and just trendy? It’s a social commentary and speaks volumes of truth. This review does a decent job of summing up most of my feelings about Korine’s latest work. – Fem

John Waters’ best of year list in Artforum
Am I going to plug someone else’s best of the year list on my best of the year list? Why the fuck not? As I have said on the show, podcasts like ours are the toilet paper of culture. 90% of the time we are critiquing someone else’s work with someone else’s theory. We are the parasites of the parasites. (That’s a good name for a movie.) So here’s an aging genius’ list. Of the movies that I’ve seen on there, I’ve loved them. As for the rest, I want to see them. There are even a few we could shoehorn into the show. Maybe I am just high on French filth after our Martyrs episode. Regardless, his favorite film was my favorite film – Spring Breakers – which is unsurprisingly absent from all the other middle brow lists this year. He also gives a shout out to Blackfish which is near and dear to Fem’s heart. The only film Waters is missing is the soul crushing The Act of Killing. After watching that you’ll never laugh at any b-movie featuring machetes ever again. The best archival piece I saw this year was Joel DeMott & Jeff Kreine’s Seventeen but that was a 16mm shown as a one off at a music venue so good luck buddy. Are DeMott & Kreines stupid enough to think it would hurt them if that film was on internet? – Meredith

(And Now for Something Completely Different) Harry Potter at the Belcourt
On Nov. 16 the local indie theater in Nashville started showing the entire Harry Potter franchise one movie at a time, every Saturday through Jan. 4 as part of their kids show. Obviously I’m a kid so I’ve been attending religiously, but no, really…I talked a little in our GMX episode about my HP fandom and sisterly bonding. I have a special place in my deep dark grinchy robot heart for the Harry Potter films and every week I find myself sitting in my favorite theater on the verge of crying tears of sentimental icky-crap. – Fem

Brooke Candy
My sweet and sour fetish this year is horrible internet-famous white rappers. The hands down best of these is Brooke Candy. She’s a sex warrior lesbian goddess that is intelligent as hell and doesn’t give a shit. It’s like Xena became a rapper from Cali. Kitty Pride could be her Gabriel but Brooke Candy (her real name bitches) would eat her. No, I mean eat her for real like KFC and Skittles and vegan ice cream. When the snow white mediasphere was having a dunderheaded and yawn inducing sex +/- non-debate about Miley Cyrus pulling the pedo-fuck-me routine (and completely missing the point in the process which led us to this – and for the record I am talking about portrayals of women of color here not cash cow wank fodder as such. If you need further evidence look no further – M. Cyrus is a lightweight), Brooke went on the offensive, asserting she would do whatever the fuck she wanted with her body. Cyrus, on the other hand, made an anti-semitic joke and mocked Sinéad O’Connor’s long struggle with mental illness. (Sinéad’s another hero of mine.) Here are a smattering of my fave Brooke tweets. Brooke’s music is sex-ultra-positive battle raps backed with broken techno. The fact the results are “mixed” is kind of the point for me. This is blood on the wall you fuckheads. Brooke is also becoming a well known model. I hope she can make enough money doing that to release whatever kind of music she wants without having to get on her knees for some mediocre-ifiying professional producer. Not that she would ever do that. She’s naked on Terry Richardson’s blog a lot. Come to think of it, so is Miley Cyrus. – Meredith

(Because I Can’t Only Be Serious) Best Worst Theme Song – Star Trek Enterprise
Q: What’s worse than Meat Loaf’s 90s comeback?
A: Russel Watson singing “Where My Heart Will Take Me”

Recently, I started to watch Star Trek Enterprise and the first time I heard the theme song play I had to do a double take. Was this really the song they chose for the next Star Trek chapter? Maybe it’s just the pilot…Nope, next episode, same song.  It sounds like a feel good televised megachurch favorite, but it’s catchy as fuck and I can’t get it out my head so here it is on my award list for being the best worst theme song. – Fem

The Rialto Report
The Rialto Report features long form interviews with 70s & 80s porn stars; or, as it describes itself, “audio, photo, and documentary archives from the golden age of adult film in New York, and beyond.” It is kind of like Marc Maron’s WTF podcast but with old school porn stars. Hosts Ashley West and April Hall are scholars of porn history. I desperately wish there was a show this smart focused on contemporary sex performers. (If you know of one drop it in the comments.) Porn of recent decades past was quite different than contemporary porn. For better or worse, the directors and actors often had artistic intentions above and beyond titillation yet the subject matter was often far more taboo with bestiality, incest, and rape floating around a lot more casually. How these films relate (or don’t) to the films Fem and I often laud on the show is an interesting thought experiment. Some observations: folks that have been in the sex media business for their entire lives have unending, whale sized libidos, but many of them seem naive that other people might not be that way. One is left to wonder if such persons were drawn to sex work because of this, or if they have just grown to be this way after being paid for sex work for years, the same way writers or graphic designers learn to produce on demand. I find it kind of sad that female performers, even if they’re retired, still feel the need to be in character when on mic, even on a relatively heady, nonpornographic show like Rialto Report. (This relates heavily to the Brooke Candy write-up. You figure it out.) Other than some obsessed Star Trek fans, people don’t expect actors to be their characters when they are not being paid to do so. Female sex workers seem to feel obligated to do so. I think I understand why, but I would like it to change. And oh, Jeff Stryker is the posturing, soulless monster you expected him to be. Go back to imaginary Texas asshole. – Meredith

Runners-Up:

Fiona Apple’s The Idler Wheel…
One of my other favorites, Neko Case, released a new album this year as well, but I’m going to have to say that Fiona’s is better. Damn. The pain and struggle in this woman’s voice and the words that come out of her mind…And shout-out to M.I.A. who’s new album I haven’t purchased / listened to yet, but definitely plan to! – Fem

Idealist’s Haven
This members only X-Files fan community drives tons of hits to our site. I’ve never bothered to sign up but I’m assuming some people on there are pissed that Fem dared suggest Scully is really just Mulder’s doormat / ball monkey and not Wonder Woman / Marie Curie with shoulder pads. – Meredith

A John Waters Christmas
I don’t venture out to concerts or performances much (hell, I even skipped Neko this year), but I did splurge on kind-of-pricey tickets to see John Waters do Christmas stand-up because I’m trashy…what else can I say? He is me and I am him. Listen to his Christmas favorites if you’re still feeling festive. – Fem

Our fans
Big thanks to our fans. The Whorer has accomplished a lot this year. We became official Women in Horror Month ambassadors and started doing panels at cons. We are a lot more popular than when we started. “Our fans” wouldn’t just be runners-up but we are kind of a niche market.  – Meredith

Kirby’s Epic Yarn
Because I’m 5 years old in video game taste and skill level and the person who bought me this birthday present knows it. Anyway, who doesn’t want to fight yarn monsters with yarn? – Fem

One response to “The Whorer Awards (2013)

  1. Pingback: The Whorer Awards (2014) | The Whorer

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