We at The Whorer rate films on a scale of 0 to 4 – 0 being rake to the face painful and 4 being unicorns pooping magic amazing. See below for a complete list of films we’ve discussed and our ratings.
Title | Mer’s Rating | Fem’s Rating | Episode Avatar |
28 Days Later | 2.5 | 3 | Friends willing to kill |
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night | 3 | 2.5 | Stolen cats |
Ain’t It Dead Yet? | 2.5 | 4 | M-80ed babies |
Altered States | 1 | 1 | Times we’re going to trip and call it science |
American Horror Story Season 1 | 1.5 | 2 | Fire pokers up the ass |
American Mary | 3 | 3 | Servings of titties and shrimp |
American Psycho | 4 | 3.5 | Blood-stained business cards |
Antichrist | 4 | 4 | Falling teddy bears |
Babadook, The | 4 | 3 | Kid-ruined orgasms |
Bathory Countess of Blood | 2 | 3 | Torture devices tempted to buy |
Beloved | 4 | 4 | Nineteenth century dollars you’re going to blow on a party for your reanimated daughter |
Berberian Sound Studio | 3 | 2.5 | Priapismic goblins |
Beyond the Black Rainbow | 2.8 | 2.5 | Devil’s teardrops |
Blade | 2 | 3 | Glyphs |
Blair Witch Project, The | 1.5 | 2 | Bunches of sticks and stones |
Blood Diner | 1.5 | 2.5 | Possessed / magick armadillos |
Brand upon the Brain! | 4 | 4 | Rumanian birthmarks |
Brother from Another Planet, The | 2 | 3 | Casio 45s |
Camp Grizzly | 3 | 3 | Terry cloth tube tops |
Candyman | 1.5 | 2.5 or 3 | Mutilated rottweiler corpses |
Carnosaur | 1 | 1 | Vials of velociraptor DNA |
Carrie | 3 | 2 | Tim Tebows |
Commune, The | 1 | 0.5 | Horned god hard-ons |
Contracted | 2 | 0 | Squirts of moisturizing lotion on your Varicocele |
Countess, The | 1.5 | 0 | Torture devices tempted to buy |
Countess Dracula | 1.75 | 0 | Torture devices tempted to buy |
Craft, The | 0 | 1.5 | Snakes |
Cruising | 3.5 | 3 | Yellow hankies |
Dark Star | 2.5 | 2.5 | Headless Michael Fassbenders |
Dead Zone, The | 1 | 1 | Human baby shields |
Def by Temptation | 0 | 0 | Star Trek sex jokes |
Event Horizon | 2 | 2 | Wet fartsicles |
Eve’s Bayou | 2 | 3.5 | Cat bones |
Fanny and Alexander | 4 | 4 | Crispy clergymen |
Ganja & Hess | 4 | 4 | Hits of Ganja |
Geek Girl Con 2014 | N/A | 3.75 | Gender bent Sailor Moon cosplayers |
Geek Media Expo Vol. 4 | 3 | 3 | Unicorn horns |
Geek Media Expo Vol. 5 | 3 | 3 | Bullied bronies |
Geek Media Expo Vol. 6 | 3 | 2.5 | Gender bent Sailor Moon cosplayers |
Geek Media Expo Vol. 7 | 3 | 3 | Inflatable dinos |
Geek Media Expo Vol. 8 | 3 | 2.5 | Weeping angels |
Get Out | 4 | 4 | Bocce bludgeons |
Ginger Snaps | 4 | 3.5 | Ounces of thick syrupy voluminous discharge |
Graphic Sexual Horror | 4 | 4 | Pears of anguish |
Graveyard Shift at NaFF14 | 4 | 3.5 | Jennifer Hudson CDs |
Graveyard Shift at NaFF15 | 3.5 | 3.5 | Re-appropriated penises |
Graveyard Shift at NaFF16 | 2.5 | 3.5 | Redneck cenobites |
Graveyard Shift at NaFF17 | 2, 3.5 | 3 | Golden acorns |
Gun for Jennifer, A | 3 | 2 | Flesh-eating mobster parties |
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows | 3 | 4 | Snape tears |
Haunting, The | 3 | 2 | Demonic scrapbooks |
Hellraiser | 2.5 | 3.25 | Orange Julias |
House | 2.75 | 3.5 | Witch cats |
House by the Cemetery | 2 | 3 | Dismembered dollies |
House of 1000 Corpses | 1 | 3 | Mermen |
Hunger, The | 2 | 3 | White Egyptians |
In My Skin | 2.55 | 2 | Skin bits |
Innkeepers, The | 3 | 2 | Dead fat naked old men |
Invitation, The | 2.1 | 3 | Filmed deaths |
Island of Lost Souls | 3 | 3 | Sullied white linen suits |
Jacob’s Ladder | 0 | 1 | Tabs of acid |
Jennifer’s Body | 2 | 3 | Boxcutters |
Jurassic Park | 0 | 2 | Vials of velociraptor DNA |
Krampus | 1.5 | 2 | Cups of peppermint schnapps aka xmas spirit |
Lemora | 3 or 3.5 | 3.5 | Bloody chunks of raw meat |
Let the Right One In | 4 | 4 | Jars of acid |
Lost Girl Season 1 | 3 | 4 | Siracons |
Machete | 2.5 | 3 | Weed wackers to the face |
Maleficent | 4 | 3.5 | Prosthetic cheekbones |
Mark of the Devil | 3 | 3 or 3.5 | Persecuted puppeteers |
Martyrs | 2.75 | TBD | Industrial sized stainless steel chastity belts / thongs |
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein | 1.5 | 3 | Electric eel powered steampunk wombs running on used amniotic fluid |
Midnight Meat Train, The | 1 | 1 | Number of times a naked woman’s made you cry |
Mimic | .52 | 2 | Elephant-ass motherfuckers |
Mothra | 1 | 1.5 | Balls of radioactive cotton candy |
Near Dark | 2 | 2 | Unrealistic firearms techniques |
Nightmare on Elm Street, A | 1 | 1 | Finger knives |
Nightmare On Elm Street 2, A: Freddy’s Revenge | 2 | 3 | Games of Probe |
Nurse 3D | 0 | 0 | Wet panties |
Onibaba | 4 | 3 | Magical light sources |
Oracle, The | 0 | 1 | Possessed / magick armadillos |
Organ | 1.5 | 2.5 | Uterus dwelling caterpillars |
Ouija | 1.75 | 1 | Arm chairs in attics with tiny doors |
People Under the Stairs | 3 | 2 | Mutilated rottweiler corpses |
Pet Sematary | 0 | 1 | Mangled kittens |
Pet Sematary 2 | 0.5 | 1 | Mangled kittens |
Phase IV | 3.5 | 3 | Canisters of DDT |
Possession | 3 | 4 | Pink socks |
Prometheus | 2 | 0.5 | Headless Michael Fassbenders |
Return to Horror High | 2 | 2 | Exploding tits |
Rhymes for Young Ghouls | 3.5 | 3 | Gallons of shit |
Room 237 | 3 | 2 | Minotaurs |
Rosemary’s Baby | 2 | 3 | Mouse bites |
Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom | 4 | 4 | Mice sewn into our mothers’ vaginas |
Santa Claws | 0 | 0 | Sleeping pills to give our kids |
Scream | 0 | 0.5 | Old school cell phones |
Shining, The | 4 | 4 | Minotaurs |
Sleepaway Camp | 2.8 | 2 | Number of times we should have called children’s services but didn’t |
Slugs | 0 | 1 | Canisters of DDT |
Slumber Party Massacre, The | 3 | 3.5 | Frozen hot dogs |
Stalker | 4 | TBD | Magick dog turd mushrooms / Gargamels |
Stoker | 0.5 | 0 | Lashes / whips from daddy’s belt |
Suspiria | 3 | 4 | Maggot showers |
Thir13en Ghosts | 0 | 2 | Damien Hirst sculptures |
Titus | 4 | 4 | Slices of human meat pie |
Torchwood Children of Earth | 4 | 4 | Children |
Tremors | 0 | 0.25 | Prairie dog burrows |
Troll 2 | 0 | 1 | Bursts of light from a light gun |
Trollhunter | 1.5 | 0.5 | Bursts of light from a light gun |
Trouble Every Day | 4 | 4 | Dumb horny teenage boys |
Twelve Reasons to Die | 1.75 | 2 | Golden eagles |
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me | 4 | 3.5 | Blank farts |
Valerie and Her Week of Wonders | 3 | 4 | Creepy sex trees |
Videodrome | 4 | 3 | Cassette tapes |
Wicker Man, The | 4 | 4 | Wicker men |
Witchfinder General | 2 | 1 | Persecuted puppeteers |
X-Files I Want to Believe | 0 | 0.5 | Altar boys |
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