Ratings

We at The Whorer rate films on a scale of 0 to 4 – 0 being rake to the face painful and 4 being unicorns pooping magic amazing. See below for a complete list of films we’ve discussed and our ratings.

Title Mer’s Rating Fem’s Rating Episode Avatar
28 Days Later 2.5 3 Friends willing to kill
A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night 3 2.5 Stolen cats
Ain’t It Dead Yet? 2.5 4 M-80ed babies
Altered States 1 1 Times we’re going to trip and call it science
American Horror Story Season 1 1.5 2 Fire pokers up the ass
American Mary 3 3 Servings of titties and shrimp
American Psycho 4 3.5 Blood-stained business cards
Antichrist 4 4 Falling teddy bears
Babadook, The 4 3 Kid-ruined orgasms
Bathory Countess of Blood 2 3 Torture devices tempted to buy
Beloved 4 4 Nineteenth century dollars you’re going to blow on a party for your reanimated daughter
Berberian Sound Studio 3 2.5 Priapismic goblins
Beyond the Black Rainbow 2.8 2.5 Devil’s teardrops
Blade 2 3 Glyphs
Blair Witch Project, The 1.5 2 Bunches of sticks and stones
Blood Diner 1.5 2.5 Possessed / magick armadillos
Brand upon the Brain! 4 4 Rumanian birthmarks
Brother from Another Planet, The 2 3 Casio 45s
Camp Grizzly 3 3 Terry cloth tube tops
Candyman 1.5 2.5 or 3 Mutilated rottweiler corpses
Carnosaur 1 1 Vials of velociraptor DNA
Carrie 3 2 Tim Tebows
Commune, The 1 0.5 Horned god hard-ons
Contracted 2 0 Squirts of moisturizing lotion on your Varicocele
Countess, The 1.5 0 Torture devices tempted to buy
Countess Dracula 1.75 0 Torture devices tempted to buy
Craft, The 0 1.5 Snakes
Cruising 3.5 3 Yellow hankies
Dark Star 2.5 2.5 Headless Michael Fassbenders
Dead Zone, The 1 1 Human baby shields
Def by Temptation 0 0 Star Trek sex jokes
Event Horizon 2 2 Wet fartsicles
Eve’s Bayou 2 3.5 Cat bones
Fanny and Alexander 4 4 Crispy clergymen
Ganja & Hess 4 4 Hits of Ganja
Geek Girl Con 2014 N/A 3.75 Gender bent Sailor Moon cosplayers
Geek Media Expo Vol. 4 3 3 Unicorn horns
Geek Media Expo Vol. 5 3 3 Bullied bronies
Geek Media Expo Vol. 6 3 2.5 Gender bent Sailor Moon cosplayers
Geek Media Expo Vol. 7 3 3 Inflatable dinos
Geek Media Expo Vol. 8 3 2.5 Weeping angels
Ginger Snaps 4 3.5 Ounces of thick syrupy voluminous discharge
Graphic Sexual Horror 4 4 Pears of anguish
Graveyard Shift at NaFF14 4 3.5 Jennifer Hudson CDs
Graveyard Shift at NaFF15 3.5 3.5 Re-appropriated penises
Graveyard Shift at NaFF16 2.5 3.5 Redneck cenobites
Graveyard Shift at NaFF17 2, 3.5 3 Golden acorns
Gun for Jennifer, A 3 2 Flesh-eating mobster parties
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 3 4 Snape tears
Haunting, The 3 2 Demonic scrapbooks
Hellraiser 2.5 3.25 Orange Julias
House 2.75 3.5 Witch cats
House by the Cemetery 2 3 Dismembered dollies
House of 1000 Corpses 1 3 Mermen
Hunger, The 2 3 White Egyptians
In My Skin 2.55 2 Skin bits
Innkeepers, The 3 2 Dead fat naked old men
Invitation, The 2.1 3 Filmed deaths
Island of Lost Souls 3 3 Sullied white linen suits
Jacob’s Ladder 0 1 Tabs of acid
Jennifer’s Body 2 3 Boxcutters
Jurassic Park 0 2 Vials of velociraptor DNA
Krampus 1.5 2 Cups of peppermint schnapps aka xmas spirit
Lemora 3 or 3.5 3.5 Bloody chunks of raw meat
Let the Right One In 4 4 Jars of acid
Lost Girl Season 1 3 4 Siracons
Machete 2.5 3 Weed wackers to the face
Maleficent 4 3.5 Prosthetic cheekbones
Mark of the Devil 3 3 or 3.5 Persecuted puppeteers
Martyrs  2.75 TBD Industrial sized stainless steel chastity belts / thongs
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein 1.5 3 Electric eel powered steampunk wombs running on used amniotic fluid
Mimic .52 2 Elephant-ass motherfuckers
Mothra 1 1.5 Balls of radioactive cotton candy
Near Dark 2 2 Unrealistic firearms techniques
Nightmare on Elm Street, A 1 1 Finger knives
Nightmare On Elm Street 2, A: Freddy’s Revenge 2 3 Games of Probe
Nurse 3D 0 0 Wet panties
Onibaba 4 3 Magical light sources
Oracle, The 0 1 Possessed / magick armadillos
Organ 1.5 2.5 Uterus dwelling caterpillars
Ouija 1.75 1 Arm chairs in attics with tiny doors
People Under the Stairs 3 2 Mutilated rottweiler corpses
Pet Sematary 0 1 Mangled kittens
Pet Sematary 2 0.5 1 Mangled kittens
Phase IV 3.5 3 Canisters of DDT
Possession 3 4 Pink socks
Prometheus 2 0.5 Headless Michael Fassbenders
Return to Horror High 2 2 Exploding tits
Rhymes for Young Ghouls 3.5 3 Gallons of shit
Room 237 3 2 Minotaurs
Rosemary’s Baby 2 3 Mouse bites
Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom 4 4 Mice sewn into our mothers’ vaginas
Santa Claws 0 0 Sleeping pills to give our kids
Scream 0 0.5 Old school cell phones
Shining, The 4 4 Minotaurs
Sleepaway Camp 2.8 2 Number of times we should have called children’s services but didn’t
Slugs 0 1 Canisters of DDT
Slumber Party Massacre, The 3 3.5 Frozen hot dogs
Stalker 4 TBD Magick dog turd mushrooms / Gargamels
Stoker 0.5 0 Lashes / whips from daddy’s belt
Suspiria 3 4 Maggot showers
Thir13en Ghosts 0 2 Damien Hirst sculptures
Titus 4 4 Slices of human meat pie
Torchwood Children of Earth 4 4 Children
Tremors 0 0.25 Prairie dog burrows
Troll 2 0 1 Bursts of light from a light gun
Trollhunter 1.5 0.5 Bursts of light from a light gun
Trouble Every Day 4 4 Dumb horny teenage boys
Twelve Reasons to Die 1.75 2 Golden eagles
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me 4 3.5 Blank farts
Valerie and Her Week of Wonders 3 4 Creepy sex trees
Videodrome 4 3 Cassette tapes
Wicker Man, The 4 4 Wicker men
Witchfinder General 2 1 Persecuted puppeteers
X-Files I Want to Believe 0 0.5 Altar boys

One response to “Ratings

  1. Pingback: Episode 75: Suspiria (1977) | The Whorer

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